Emotional Issues
The journey of life is one of loss and gain. It is a rhythm that is outside of our control; but what remains within our control is the attitude of willingness to find, even in the most dismal of emotions, what remains to be lived. To progress through therapy is about maturing as a human being; a direct function to take responsibility for our own choices, to cease blaming others or expecting rescue from them.
Guilt
We often feel guilty when we say “no” to someone, or when they are angry, or for not being the “perfect parent”. Such feelings have slowly been conditioned since childhood. Children, quite simply, are self-centred, but this natural narcissism immediately clashes with the adult world and its power to withhold approval or affection. No child can last long in this place and quickly learns to curb unacceptable behaviours. Feeling guilty in later life is really about trying to please others at the expense of oneself – the unconscious conflict of fear of disapproval playing itself out.
Grief and Loss
Our life begins with loss. The loss of the security and protective environment of our mother’s womb when we are thrust out into the world; the beginning of the journey which ends with the loss of life itself. Along the way, there are repeated losses such as loves, jobs, security, homes and family members. The only path through this to move beyond suffering is to “let go”, to relinquish the fact that we want to be in control of everything and to accept that we cannot be. Only “letting go” can bring peace and serenity. “Letting go” is not about forgetting, but more about remembering and indeed celebrating the value that we had for that object of loss.
Betrayal
Betrayal is also a form of loss. What are lost are innocence, trust and stability. The greater the betrayal of these three basic things in early life, the more we grow to distrust the world. The more profound experiences can lead to paranoia. All of us harbour some degree of paranoia; we have all at one time or another been wounded by those we have placed our trust. Some of us try to control everything and everybody to avoid the pain happening again, and the foundation of jealousy in our relationships becomes dominant.
Doubt
It could be said that the neurotic – and that includes most of us – is his or her own worst enemy. We are sometimes so racked with guilt from our own sense of failure and inadequacy – derived from earlier wounds – that we can lack sufficient ego strength to enter into dialogue with our own personal materials. Sometimes these issues are so powerful they are pushed deep into the unconsciousness and projected on to others. But doubt is the precursor to growth, and to overcome doubt is to ascend onto another level of living. Our beliefs must suffer doubt in order to grow, and our certainties about ourselves must be shattered before we renew. The task for all of us is to risk the increased anxiety of doubt within ourselves in order to receive the blessing of growth.
Despair
Despair is to be without hope, without prospects, without alternatives. Who amongst us has not experienced despair at one time or another? Who has desperately not wanted to succumb to its grip, even to consider death as a more palatable alternative? Even though we may believe that we have a wish to die, one does not really wish to die. What we really want is instantaneous transformation, but when despair is present, any argument is refuted by hopelessness. The challenge therefore is to sustain the struggle, to move from victim to hero. In despair we are not to deny the terrible feelings but to suffer through towards whatever awaits or arises from the depths of despair.
Making sense of it all...
None of us can be conscious all of the time, and the guilt and shame that attends many of our shortcomings erodes the strength necessary to confront the underlying issues. To go down into one’s own self, to feel what we really feel, is to go through and break the tyranny of timeless emotions that haunt us. That's what coming to see me is really all about - to explore one’s own psyche and to have the courage to do that in a safe environment.
For Hypnotherapy Birmingham, exploration of your own psyche and the insights to help you make meaning from life, call me 0121 707 3588.
(Above text with full respect and acknowledgement from James Hollis, Analyst, for whom I have the utmost respect. Recommended reading: Swamplands of the Soul - New Life in Dismal Places)